Checking out!

Checking out!
That was the only words i could use to describe how i was feeling.  I was starting to feel overwhelmed by a mixture of different life pressures that seemed to make the ideal recipe for a meltdown.  The type of meltdowns where you feel you are being stretched like a rubber band where you remain firm and strong at the beginning as you start to stretch but as the pressure becomes greater the risk of breaking apart becomes a close reality.

I reflected this afternoon as to what God's purpose could be behind these life pressures.  After all everything happens with the permission of God and there's always a purpose behind it whether it is to persevere in our faith through trials, to change us or perhaps a seed we might have planted that we are reaping from.  The last few months as these pressures accumulated i was looking hard to find out which of God's purpose this could have been a result of.
During this time I questioned everything.  I questioned my past mistakes, I questioned where is it that God wants me that I'm not at yet, let us just say I questioned and questioned and questioned.

Finally I began checking out (this afternoon to be exact).  There was nothing left in me to question anymore.  I began to get tired of trying to figure things out and as I spoke to God and said "I just don't know anymore" the answer came.  It came timely, at the most needed moment.  God showed me that we can become so selfish with our own feelings, our harsh righteousness when we see someone do something that is so ungodly that we feel the need to point out and say "I would never do that".  God showed me that every comment we make about ourselves and others, He will test.

I remembered every similar comment that I have made over the last several months of where I said "I would never do what that person did" and realized that God tested me in each of those similar events.

I started to think of things Jesus had said, I realized that God's commandments and lessons all have to do with the relationship that we have with others.  Jesus didn't care about how seemingly goodly the priest of that time were but He did care and question how they were towards others.  How compassionate  they were with those that sinned. Let's just say they weren't tolerable with those that stole, that cheated on their spouses, that weren't like them!

My prayer is that I become compassionate with those that aren't like me!  That i learn how to season my words with kindness!  That I place myself in the place of others to better understand them! That I don't become a critic of those that are just too messed up to even know better!
God give me a pure heart so that the only thing I check out of is being harsh!